I’m Coming Out (Again)

I have written blog posts before about being genderqueer – someone who does not fall into either the “woman” or “man” boxes. Someone who falls between the two.

I have also worked with a lot of transgender people and cisgender people, each with different gender expressions. Some trans folks fully embrace the binary, while others do not. Even some cisgender folks won’t fit neatly into the expectations of their gender.

For example, I know a lot of dudes, cis and trans, who bake, crochet, and raise children, and have no lack of masculinity.

I know women, cis or trans, who are furniture makers, interested in cars, run banks and businesses, and have no lack of femininity.

I’m saying this because I still enjoy being nonbinary. I love the gray area between what’s expected of certain genders and what is actually put into practice.

That said…

I have noticed that when people say “she,” “her,” or “daughter” in my direction, it feels like they’re talking about someone else. They’re not addressing me, they’re addressing a disguise.

(Honestly, with how many people are declaring war against trans people, a cisgender disguise is making more and more sense.)

At some point, however, I would LOVE to be addressed as who I actually am, not the puppet that I walk around in sometimes.

For a while, I have asked close friends and family to call me “they” or “their.” English lacks a decent third-person gender-neutral word outside of s/he that’s not a plural. And people online can get NEEDLESSLY pedantic about the use of “they” when referring to a single person.

It’s obnoxious and I hate it.

At the same time, I think back to times when I’m called “he” or “sir.” This happened a lot when I wore gender-neutral work uniforms or wore clothes that weren’t coded as feminine.

And any time I got called “he” or “sir,” I realized…that felt right.

So I’m Coming Out

I’m coming out as a transgender man.

Now, I’m not going to be following all the “rules” of masculinity. I’m still going to cook and knit and have a “stereotypically feminine” side. I’m still nonbinary. Because fuck the idea that men and women have to act or behave in certain ways.

However, you might wonder, “Then why are you coming out as a man?”

Because when folks call me “he,” “sir,” or “my dude,” I feel like myself in a way that I haven’t felt in a VERY long time. If at all. It feels like when someone calls me a man, I feel SEEN. Like I don’t have to put on a cisgender disguise to fool the Straights.

So moving forward, I’m going by he/him/his as well as they/them/their.

My name is still the same: Kelci D Crawford. Historically, Kelci is a gender-neutral name. But if you nickname me Kel, that feels right, too.

I’m still the same person as before. The only things that have changed are my pronouns and the feelings I get when they’re used.

And to answer any other questions because I KNOW these will come up:

No, I’m not doing any surgeries. I HAVE been wanting to change hormones for a while, but for reasons outside of “becoming more of a man.” In my case, my hormones are not my gender. But I’m not going into my medical history with the internet unless I get terribly sick and am unable to keep up making comics, videos, etc.

No, I’m not changing my name. Good luck trying to “deadname” me, haters.

No, I’m not changing official documents unless I absolutely have to. Do you Straights have ANY idea how long it takes to get government paperwork to reflect your identity? And this is just on the LOCAL and STATE level, never mind the federal one.

Besides, with SOME politicians being allergic to trans people to the point of banning trans children, the government can think I’m a “cisgender woman” all they want. Not all laws are just or good. Like, just because some places are banning abortion does not mean all abortions have stopped. And historically, people have tried banning people of color from going to the same places as white people. But they still exist. These politicians can try to ban trans people but we will still be here, fighting for our rights.

I’m still going to fight for trans rights. I’m still going to depict trans people in my comics and games. That’s not changing.

Make of this announcement what you will. I’m not changing my mind. I’m here. I’m queer. And I’m here to make stories that matter.

Thanks for reading.

You. Are. Awesome.

What’s New for 2022?

This is Part 2 of a blog series about New Year’s Goals. Be sure to check out part 1 and its hot mess. Because that will influence this post.

So, 2021 was a crap year. Yes, stuff got done. Mostly. Sort of. But a lot of Murphy’s Law came into effect.

Looking back on that made me ponder how I would approach 2022. Would I, in fact, not have goals set at the start of the year? Would I have more structure instead of less? How would structuring the year even work?

After a lot of meditation and brainstorming, here’s what I came to…

CREATE.

It’s a simple, 6-letter word. Because 2022. 2 + 0 + 2 + 2 = 6. I’m willing to give numerology another chance because 5s in numerology (and especially Tarot) are kind of cursed. (Side note: maybe that’s why my Mocktaw in The Legend of Jamie Roberts often have 5 eyes.) 6 in numerology is better.

Also – Create. It encapsulates the feeling I want to embrace for 2022. I want to create a LOT of things.

This year, I won’t hold myself to the sorts of lists I concocted for last year. I have a rough list of what I would LOVE to get done for 2022. But I won’t say anything more. Part of me wants to see just what happens as the year goes on.

In addition, I spent the last two weeks of 2021 planning for 2022’s projects. And 3 projects already got done! So that’s nice. And unexpected. And part of the reason why I don’t want to say too much about what’s in store for 2022.

With that said, I’m going to do one new thing this year.

I’M ACTUALLY WORKING WITH A PRODUCTION CALENDAR IN MIND

This may sound weird, but in years past, I never actually made a calendar to determine when (exactly) projects would start, get done, go on KickStarter, etc. At least, not a calendar that encompassed ALL of my projects. Each project would have its own rough list. But this year I’m doing it differently.

I’d share my rough production calendar with you. But…

a) it’s kind of long. I included convention dates, commemorative months like National Novel Writing Month and MerMay, book projects, prints, secret projects, Sticker of the Month club, ongoing projects like webcomics… I threw a LOT into one place and gave it some semblance of order. But that order only makes sense to me.

b) it’s not set in stone. And I did that on purpose. If I have to move a project up or down the production calendar, I am willing to do that. (And that’s how 3 projects got done before 2022 even started.)

What else can I say? Well, be sure to stay tuned on this blog, and follow me in these ways:

Plus I have projects such as The Legend of Jamie Roberts and The Fourth Leg podcast. All of these will update more often and in different ways.

That’s all I’ve got for now. But I’m actually excited for this year.

Thank you for reading.

You. Are. Awesome.

Did I Reach My 2021 Goals?

It’s customary for me to write about my goals from the previous year; then to write about the goals I have for the upcoming year. So this post is Part 1 of a 2-Part series. (Part 2 will be tomorrow.)

More importantly…

DID I REACH MY 2021 GOALS?

Yes…and no. I met some, but not all.

Let’s break it down.

1) MAKE 5 NEW CRAFT PIECES.

How completely self-indulgent to have a goal NOT related to work!

Here’s the thing: technically I DID make this one. But I didn’t get to everything on the initial list I had. 4 out of 5 pieces on my old crafting to-do list got done! Then I got sidetracked and began making new things.

That’s ok! I’ve decided to just pursue the things that bring me joy instead of dread. That’s more important. ESPECIALLY for a hobby.

2) MAKE 5 NEW MINICOMICS

This DID NOT HAPPEN. I did not make 5 new minicomics.

…But I DID make – and finish – The Legend of Azu-Mi. (At least, the art for it.) I’ll count that win for what it’s worth.

3) MAKE 5 NEW 11X17 (OR LARGER) PRINTS

Yet another goal that DID NOT happen. I barely got two. Even then, one of the new prints, Kay the Valkyrie, is not 11×17 inches. I thought I had formatted the original working file to that size. Turns out, I did not.

I did, however, finish the art for one that had been a work in progress for two years – the Cryptid of Leaves. Here’s a peek at the original…

My new scanner bed is not quite big enough to accommodate this guy, though. So I’ll need to figure out how to digitize him to make prints.

4) RELEASE 5 NEW BOOKS

This past year, there came the release of…

But that’s not 5 books.

That’s fine. I’ll consider it good that these even got done. Especially considering that The Legend of Jamie Roberts, volume 1 kept getting a LOT of setbacks – from production delays to book misprints.

And lastly…

5) MAKE 5 VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE

I gave up on this one. Like, yes, I made a lot more videos on TikTok after I got on that platform. But actually editing video is my least favorite thing in the world to do. It’s right up there with bashing my head against the refrigerator door, or burning myself on pans while baking.

But I DID get into animation.

Look at them! I animated Jamie here! Thank you, Clip Studio Paint, for making that happen. Eventually, I’ll get used to your animation tools. Because currently, it’s like trying to read French.

I think we can all agree that 2021 was not the year we expected, or hoped, it would be. On my end of things, there were production issues, an encounter with a scam artist, and 3 deaths in the family in the final 6 months of the year. To be blunt, 2021 was shit. Basically 2020 part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

With that in mind, I’m going to…restructure a few things. But I’ll get into that tomorrow.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading.

You. Are. Awesome.

My Favorite Things Right Now

an ink drawing of a tree's twisting branches

I have been talking about myself a LOT lately. So to balance the scales, I want to share some of my favorite things right now – movies, books, podcasts, music, anything that you should check out if you haven’t heard about it already!

First, Music.

Let’s get the “big names” out of the way: you should give the Sonic 3 and Knuckles soundtrack a listen. Yes, I sound like a weeb, but hear me out. Because the team who worked with Michael Jackson composed some of these tracks. Now, who EXACTLY composed what songs is a mystery that has confounded the Sonic fandom for 20+ years (apparently). But I cannot deny that the music theory behind Angel Island zone Acts 1 and 2 AND Marble Gardens is borderline genius. Also, Ice Cap Zone Act 1 is a bop and an earworm. That got stuck in my head for DAYS.

Maybe you need more hip hop though? Then check out this Native American hip-hop artist DJ Shub and his track featuring the Northern Cree singers, Indomitable. Also, the Mother’s Day song, I Hope You Know from Supaman and Ashley Hall is great, and the music video is sweet.

Or maybe you want something that will confuse your ear? I can’t recommend Caravan Palace enough. They do a little bit of everything, but all under the electro-jazz umbrella. If you want to start simple, try their singles Melancholia, Moonshine, and Rock It For Me. Also, each music video is gorgeously animated.

Second, Podcasts.

For a while, I listened to the Overly Sarcastic Podcast. In each episode, they talk about the behind-the-scenes work they did for particular episodes, answer listener questions, and goof around. It’s silly and fun.

Recently, I rediscovered my love for The Dollop, a history podcast where the host reads a story of American History out loud to an oblivious stand-up comedian. This podcast does GREAT live shows. I’ve been listening to episode 323, the 1908 New York to Paris Car Race. The event is an utter disaster and the riffs are hilarious. They even did an episode about the Stonewall Riots (which I still need to listen to).

Third, Books.

I have a low-key reading goal: read 60 books before the end of the year. Right now, I’m at 51 books completed. And, surprisingly, some of these books have been great!

The Mermaid, The Witch, and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall has a “meh” rating on Goodreads, which I kinda’ sorta’ get? This is the story of a genderqueer pirate and a court girl who fall in love, rescue a mermaid, learn magic, and take revenge against a notorious pirate captain and his crew. Apparently, Goodreads decided it’s not for everyone, but I argue otherwise. Also, READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END. It has a fake-out ending where it looks like the lesbian couple does not survive to the end, but READ IT because THEY DO.

Since I’ve read over 50 books so far this year, maybe I’ll write a separate post just for book recommendations. Otherwise, this post will last forever.

Need more? Check out my list of favorite black artists. This list touches on a diverse range of creators, from cosplayers to comic artists.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading! Be sure to check out these very cool projects, and let me know in the comments what you thought of them!

You. Are. Awesome.

Mid-Year Check-In on My 2021 Goals

Remember when I set my goals for 2021? Well now’s the time to do a mid-year check-in and see how things are going.

Number 1: Make 5 New Craft Pieces

Are we talking about 5 craft projects TOTAL? Yes! This goal is achieved.

But are we talking about the specific craft projects I wrote for myself to do? No.

See, I wanted to make…

  • a kitty-sized sweater for BreeBree (why? Because she’s neurotic and wants hugs ALL THE TIME. I thought a kitty sweater would help)…
  • a patchwork skirt…
  • a bikini top made from upcycled T-shirts…
  • a crochet shawl covered in crochet donuts and cookies (why? I was inspired by a shawl I saw in the live-action The Grinch movie)…
  • and a scrapbook for my graduations. I’ve had these graduation keepsakes for 10+ years and I want to put them in a book instead of a box.

Those first 3? Those are done. I even made 2 bikini tops. The shawl base is also done, but now it needs cookies and donuts.

Number 2: Make 5 Videos that are NOT Live Streams

Honestly, I dropped this goal. Would I love to make animatics? Absolutely. But I need to study how to make animations in Clip Studio Paint. I have no idea what I’m doing.

Number 3: Make 5 Large Prints

I have finished 1 print so far!

an image of a modern-day Valkyrie flying in the air. Their skin is dark, hair white, wings gold and silver, and they wield two swords. The clouds part behind them and divine light shines upon them.

Unfortunately, 2 prints had to be put on hold because they need more work than I expected. The Cryptid of Leaves print is more of a time-sink than I thought because of all the details. The Fighting Game roster I want to draw will require more research and character mock-ups.

So 1 print is done. But that leaves 4 left to do.

I have 2 other ideas in mind. Both are for personal projects. We’ll see how that pans out.

Number 4: Make 5 Books

Slow and Steady wins THIS race!

The Legend of Jamie Roberts, volume 1 has its own updates going on KickStarter. The same goes for Less Than Secret: A Cryptid Anthology (which I did a short story for).

The book I’m designing for Sean…all of it is edited! Now comes actually putting it into PDF form.

But while we’re here…

I’m thinking of NOT doing Inktober this year.

Shock! I know! I’ve done Inktober every year since 2017. And every year, after Inktober wraps up, I put those sketches into a book. I’ve done Witches, Gods & Spirits, AND Dragons.

2020 threw off those plans. As for this year? I’m thinking of not doing Inktober. Because I would LOVE to get the Roxie comics I did for Validation into a book. Those…and Tiny Unicorn.

Number 5: Make 5 Minicomics

HOT DANG, this took a minute to figure out WHAT minicomics I wanted to make.

For this goal, here’s what I want to make:

  • The Legend of Azu-Mi (for KickStarter backers)
  • The Character Compendium (a personal project I talk about sometimes on Instagram)
  • A Mr. Dino story
  • A Kitties By Kelci story
  • And a NEW art sketchbook zine

I have a LOT of zines on clearance on Ko-Fi because I want to make more room for these new minicomics. (If you’re interested, get them before they’re gone forever!)

Here’s hoping I can still make these goals by the end of the year!

How are your goals going? Let me know in the comments.

Thank you for reading!

You. Are. Awesome.